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Backstory

Zenya and I have a... complicated! relationship. Or maybe not 'complicated' so much as it is fraught with bad behaviors that other people should definitely not replicate, LOL. A lot of the lore I have built up for myself is honestly quite negative and crazy and full of sentiments I don't need to get into here, so I will try to trim it down as simply as I can - though be aware I will still discuss some dark and sexual themes, since I can't fully discuss our relationship without them. They will be brief, and likely nothing to write home about if you're familiar with his source material, but read with caution regardless!

Content warnings: Mild references to sex and pregnancy/infertility, unhealthy relationships/manipulation

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Zenya and I get involved almost entirely on a whim - his whim, to be precise. God knows he never attends class like he's supposed to, so he's constantly on the lookout for new things to keep him busy instead. One day he happens to be passing by the courtyard and witnesses the aftermath of my boyfriend breaking up with me. He hangs around for a bit and watches me cry my eyes out, finding it amusing for a little while, but ultimately walks off after getting bored.

Over the next week or so, he sees me throwing myself unsuccessfully at multiple guys, trying to find any sort of rebound to help myself get over what was, to me, a major heartbreak. Zenya finds this behavior utterly pathetic, but keeps his eye on me all the same, somehow amused by my long string of failures. He starts to form a plan quite unconsciously, but the more he thinks about it, the more fun it sounds.

He approaches me one day when I'm especially vulnerable and makes an advance on me. Desperate for any sort of attention to get my mind off of the guy who dumped me, I agree against my better judgement. I had never met Zenya before this interaction, but of course I know who he is from rumors - the unbalanced son of a yakuza gang leader, with a wild and unhinged disposition. I know I shouldn't say yes, but I do anyway.

Zenya, obviously, isn't approaching me for any genuine reason. His condition has been a constant burden on his mind ever since he was old enough to understand the actual underlying meaning of it. Beyond the obvious and grotesque physical pain, he lives with the knowledge that his body is incapable of doing the one thing it's 'supposed' to do - to create offspring - and this torments him. He knows very well that he is incompatible with other fleshseed carriers, but a sudden and sick curiosity overcame him to see what would happen if he were to try with a human. It wouldn't be pretty - it might even be fatal. Overall, it sounded like a fun experiment, and he'd found the perfect prey for him to try it out.

Things happen, and to his surprise, I don't die. I barely look any worse for wear at all. (I have various fantasy biology reasoning for this that I may write about in more detail later, but it is quite gross and does not belong here.) His curiosity sated, he moves on with life, fully intent on never seeing me again. Feeling somewhat ashamed of our weird, off-putting fling, I intend on doing the same thing - except for the fact that I can't seem to stop thinking about him, no matter how much I want to.

Weeks go by, and I can't get him out of my head; I don't even know why. I start following him from a distance whenever I catch a glimpse of him, trying to work up the opportunity or courage to speak to him. It goes about as miserably as it sounds. One day he finally catches me skulking around and demands to know what it is I think I'm doing. I make a fool of myself while trying to explain the fact that I sort of, maybe, might want to see him again, even though I'm terrified of him.

Zenya is baffled enough by my admission that he doesn't immediately tell me to get lost. He still has zero actual desire to interact with me, but can't help his curiosity; nobody has ever expressed any desire to be near him before. Thus begins a very strange and tense period of time where he strings me along for his own amusement. Several more poor decisions are made on my part, agreeing when he makes further advances on me. I know that he has ulterior motives - possibly even more than the obvious physical one - but at the same time, it's oddly comforting to be near someone who doesn't bother to lie about what he wants. He refuses to put forth the effort to 'trick' me into anything, instead just relying on my naturally subservient and anxious personality to make me agree to whatever he says.

Time continues to pass. While it seems like nothing changes on the surface of whatever our transactional 'relationship' is, there are certain things that happen - he allows me to visit his home, introduces me to Kitani in a very roundabout way, and even occasionally spends time with me and sends me home before anything intimate happens. Neither of us comment on these changes. It would be quite a waste of time. After all, we don't really mean anything to each other, anyway.

It's unclear when these changes happen, or for what reason. Maybe Zenya just started to get bored of his experimentation after going long enough without getting any results; maybe I piqued some of his interest because of my uncanny ability to spend time with him without being put off by his more extreme behaviors. Whatever the case may be, it eventually reaches the point where he tells me the details of his condition and the way his body works. And maybe I'm just desensitized by the way he's treated me up to that point, but it doesn't feel untrue, nor does it bother me as much as it probably should.

Nothing changes after he tells me this information, besides the fact that I understand him a little bit better. I might understand him a bit too well, actually. His behaviors make much more sense to me now that I know where he's coming from, and while it's nothing compared to what he's dealing with, there are certain aspects of his life that hit achingly close to home for me. While I can't fix him - nor is it my place to do so - at the very least, we can be broken together in a way that works for us, and find an eerie sense of comfort in such unpleasant circumstances.