Iss. 12 || February 14th, 2024

Valentine's Day

"Only I know
that your voice is incredibly beautiful.
I would love nothing more than to die with that voice all to myself.

A love song that destroys one star."
                                - Ultra Rupture, SLAVE.V-V-R
                                (no deep edgy meaning here, just been listening to this one again lately)


Happy Valentine's Day to everyone! I am allowed to say this because I technically still have 40 minutes left in the day as I sit down to write this blog post.

Valentine's Day is usually either a pretty miserable day or a pretty alright day for me, depending on the mindset I have by the time it rolls around. Happy to report I got all the misery out last night-slash-a little bit this morning and the rest of the day was basically like any other day. It was very much a non-event for me which I am counting as a win!

I sent out some valentines by mail to a few internet pals earlier this month and that was really fun. I keep saying that I want to send people gifts and do letter trades and all that good stuff, but I never commit to it. The only reason it happened this time is that I happened to be with atomicgothic and a few other buddies and we all decided to start making valentines for people! So I actually had to be held accountable for my actions!! Ironically enough my internet friends got cards before my irls... haha... but it's ok because I'll cobble them together before the next time we all see each other. Maybe! (Here's hoping!)

Noticing that I only had a few hours left in the day, I forced myself to get off my ass and draw something, since I knew if I didn't I'd feel a little sorry for myself. While it's glaringly obvious that I can't draw backgrounds (I never promised I could!!!) I think it turned out cute, hehe... I haven't drawn in a little while, longer than most breaks, so I was rusty. And I think I might have sprained my thumb or something (?) somehow. But it hurts less than it did half an hour ago so I'm sure everything is fine.

I need to start parsing through all my self-insert art and seeing what is worth posting, lol... I want to eventually have a really cozy, organized collection with everything worth looking at all in one place. It's still pretty empty at the moment. But since the goal is a long-term one, I think that's okay... the idea is to work on it when I'm inspired to, not to feel forced to do it. But I do need to fill in the empty spaces before I can add more empty spaces... for my own mental well-being... OTL

All of my anime boyfriends have been doing great by the way, for those of you asking. Not only are they doing great, I always seem to continuously pick up more and more even without meaning to, like some kind of lint roller for animated men. Have been watching Dungeon Meshi (very very good, going to read the manga soon) and am embarrassed to admit that halfway through episode three I got so distracted by Laios with no prior warning that I almost had to turn it off and take a break. Usually I get an inkling before watching something if a character will strike a chord with me but this was a complete sneak attack. I watched the first two episodes and nothing even remotely stood out to me but episode three did something twisted and evil to my brain that neither God nor science can explain.

What else is love related that I can post about here?? I replayed Arisato's route (the beginning) for the... third? Time? Maybe? It's unclear because I've rabidly replayed certain scenes of his a few times and completely blacked out any recollection of doing this. But a friend was playing his short vanilla ending for the first time so I watched. We had fun but it rekindled my insane neurotic love for him and I did scream at least once without meaning to because he said something cute. This was a week or so after I watched a DIFFERENT friend skim his route and I screamed and almost started crying over his birdie scene because I got so worked up over it for absolutely no fucking reason and I apologized after we got out of call because I was more embarrassed than I have ever been in my entire god damn life. They put crack into these blonde anime boys I tell you. There's something laced in these anime boys and that's my only explanation for my deranged behavior. I don't know if it's a general decline in my emotional stability /lh or if I just keep getting Keystone Formative Boys shoved at me but it seems like every time I pick a new guy I get worse about him and it happens faster than the last time. Worrying but in the funnest way possible!

Had a little bit of a drop in confidence semi-recently re: boys but I think I'm back on track with my new addition + rekindling. I think it's just time for me to have a designated crazy spell and I've been trying to ignore it, but once I get a little freaky with it I'll feel better. I've honestly been having a weird few months where I have super high highs and then rapid low lows emotionally but I've been doing good at pulling myself out of the lows for the most part. I think more anime boys will fix me! No problem has ever been made worse with the introduction of more anime boys. Source: trust me bro

Anyway! Kind of went on an unrelated tangent for a post that was just supposed to let me post my Valentine's Day art, but, what are you gonna do. Sometimes a bitch just has to talk!!

RAPID EDIT BEFORE POSTING: I got to visit an awesome arcade while out of state where I got to play Chunithm for the second time (first was in Japan) and Wacca for the first time. Absolutely hooked. Inject 700ccs of Wacca directly into my brain for the rest of my life please.


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