the most mundane things drive me completely crazy. the thought of wrapping my arms around you and burying my face in your chest, the idea of sitting next to you and feeling your shoulder bump against mine. your closeness can leave me speechless and flustered even when i'm just imagining it.

and imagine it i do, constantly, though tonight it has wrought havoc on my mind even more than usual. i need you here! desperately! i want to show you how much i need you, solely through the look in my eyes, because i'm too embarrassed to say the words, despite how obvious i am in my adoration for you. the thought of telling you those words - (i love you!) - so hushed that the sound barely leaves my lips - fills me with such a strange and heady mix of embarrassment and happiness that i can't help but bask in that feeling for hours on end. i fear that if i say it i won't be able to stop! enamored like one who has never felt these feelings before.

(i love you! i love you! i love you!)

every time i say it it makes me happier, a helpless and warm sort of happiness that bubbles up inside and leads me to make a royal fool of myself, no matter how much i try not to. it isn't that i want to avoid this feeling, rather, that i want it too badly! i want everyone in the world to know how i feel about you. i want to be overwhelmed by these feelings i have for you. i already am, though i do my best to keep it in check -- surely you would grow tired of it if i spouted my love for you every moment of every day!

everything about you is so perfect and desirable, i can't help myself. you can understand it, can't you? you have to! surely you can catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and see what i see, listen to yourself as you laugh at your own jokes or simply sit with your thoughts for a few moments, and you'll see why i am so helplessly in love with you, why i have been since the very first moment i saw you, ages before i even exchanged my first words with you -- you had me at your beck and call before i even knew your name!

things haven't changed one bit since then. if anything, those feelings are even stronger, the sparks of an instant crush buoyed to even greater heights by the depth of understanding i have for you now. you can still make me feel so breathless and vulnerable and all you have to do is smile at me in that warm, honeyed way that makes me feel like my heart is going to flutter its way right out of my chest. i might be liable to complain about the power you have over me if i didn't love it so much. i love that you can make me smile so stupidly, clasp my hands in front of me and fawn over you, and you don't even mean to - it's just the unavoidable side effect of being by your side, and i never, ever want to leave.

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